Posts
Well, it is just a few days away now that I will be getting my colonoscopy. What the hell is it with that word? I get spell-check squiggles EVERY time I write the word. If it doesn't exist, then I cry "shenanigans" on having to undergo it!! I digress.... so Monday, I am going to St Pete General to have this procedure done that will hopefully tell the GI doctor what is wrong with me. Well... that is in theory, of course, because every other flipping test comes back normal. In fact, if I didn't have to tell the doc all about how I crap all day everyday, nobody would think I was sick. Which I believe I am. Well, one way or another, they will find something out with this test. I am hoping for good news, like it's something they can fix or treat. I don't want a wishy washy diagnosis of plain old IBD, which is basically a sentence to a lifetime of dietary struggles til you find out what is making you sick... so that would be tres inconvenient.
Bonnie has had on her casts for 2 weeks, today. Next Wednesday, she gets them off and fitted for braces before getting new casts for another 3 weeks. Poor baby, but she is really truckin' along on those things. Her VBS teachers are always amazed at her ability in spite of lugging around two half-cast legs. She has grown so much in the last years.
I feel like everything in my life has changed since moving to Florida. Some of it for the better, but a lot of it is in limbo. I have more anxiety and depression than before. I also can NEVER remember to take my medications, which makes the symptoms more agitated. I tend to mask the pain of being on edge all-day everyday by drinking at night. I dunno why. I have perfectly good Zoloft sitting on the counter and I grab a bottle of wine instead. It's doing wonders for my waistline-- if by wonders you are seeking a built-in Jaba the Hutt Halloween costume, then- yes- wonders. Oh well.
I guess I am just saying I have so much going on between work, Bonnie, and my health that I have forgotten how to be a human. I want to be a person that enjoys the world and laughs and has simple pleasures in my life. I have been lax in my faith, lax in my personal care, and lax in my marriage at the cost of only me. What I hope to accomplish by saying this is that maybe the first step to recovering from a self-deprecating spell is to just get out and SAY it. Admitting this to myself may be the best way to walk away from the inner pain of everything I have hoped for and all my goals that I get so angry at myself for not reaching... I just need to slow down, love myself, love my family, and love God. And in return I need to let them love me right back.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Friday, March 19, 2010
What is it YOU get homesick for?
This morning, I got a message from my mom. She wanted me to blog. :-) She said I hadn't blogged in a while... so here I am.
Yesterday was my mom's birthday. I didn't get to be there with her, physically. We had a nice long phone chat in the morning and Bonnie got to Skype her before bed, but it still was hard to not be able to hug her, just feel her presence. She seemed to have a nice birthday, but I don't think she'd let on if she hadn't... she wouldn't want me to feel bad. It isn't my fault that we moved... but I did go. I always feel that pain. I had to leave. My marriage and Bonnie kept me from just saying "SCREW IT" and staying in Phoenix. I want Bonnie to have a whole family.
Mom is coming to visit in a few weeks. I am looking forward to having a birthday party here for her and an early birthday party for my dad, too. Dad is going to go fishing, which is cool. We live next to a HUGE lake, come to think of it, we live by a bunch of lakes... Florida, go figure! Then there is also the ocean. :-) Hope he has fun.
I ALSO get to take them to Busch Gardens. I can't wait for THAT! My mom likes roller coasters, so I bet we'll go on a few, but also, the animals are soooo neat! Bonnie loves it there. I love it, too, just hope it is a little warmer than last time!!
I love being a tourist in my own city. There is so much to do here. I am often teased about the amount of "stuff" I have seen and done since moving here. I love it! I get so homesick, but it is not for the place. I don't think there is much you can say about Phoenix that would convince me of its awesomeness... I lived there for 27 years. I miss the people. I miss my family. I miss being able to hug them, have them actually be tangible beings and not these faces on a computer screen. Don't get me wrong, Skype is amazing and I feel so relieved that it is available to me. I would have gone nuts without it... but I miss my Mommy. Ya know?
Millie
Yesterday was my mom's birthday. I didn't get to be there with her, physically. We had a nice long phone chat in the morning and Bonnie got to Skype her before bed, but it still was hard to not be able to hug her, just feel her presence. She seemed to have a nice birthday, but I don't think she'd let on if she hadn't... she wouldn't want me to feel bad. It isn't my fault that we moved... but I did go. I always feel that pain. I had to leave. My marriage and Bonnie kept me from just saying "SCREW IT" and staying in Phoenix. I want Bonnie to have a whole family.
Mom is coming to visit in a few weeks. I am looking forward to having a birthday party here for her and an early birthday party for my dad, too. Dad is going to go fishing, which is cool. We live next to a HUGE lake, come to think of it, we live by a bunch of lakes... Florida, go figure! Then there is also the ocean. :-) Hope he has fun.
I ALSO get to take them to Busch Gardens. I can't wait for THAT! My mom likes roller coasters, so I bet we'll go on a few, but also, the animals are soooo neat! Bonnie loves it there. I love it, too, just hope it is a little warmer than last time!!
I love being a tourist in my own city. There is so much to do here. I am often teased about the amount of "stuff" I have seen and done since moving here. I love it! I get so homesick, but it is not for the place. I don't think there is much you can say about Phoenix that would convince me of its awesomeness... I lived there for 27 years. I miss the people. I miss my family. I miss being able to hug them, have them actually be tangible beings and not these faces on a computer screen. Don't get me wrong, Skype is amazing and I feel so relieved that it is available to me. I would have gone nuts without it... but I miss my Mommy. Ya know?
Millie
Friday, March 12, 2010
Greek "Poseur" in the ουσ.
Do you know something? I love Greeks. I love all things, pretty much, that pertain to Greeks. This, of course is mainly fueled by The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants, Mama Mia!, and My Big Fat Greek Wedding, but I am CONVINCED that, were I to be born Greek... my life would be much more fun. I suppose it has a lot to do with the fact that it is an ACTUAL culture. I don't know where my heritage lies. I don't know my Paternal Grandfather... for all I know he could have been Greek.
Greeks. I love Maoussaka. I think it was invented for me. I HATE anise, but I will drink Ouzzo, just for the fact that it is a traditition. I am a middle-class American mutt who is longing for cultural tradition. So, I like Greeks. I probably would like many other cultures, if I delved deeper, but for the sake of THIS blog--- Greek is the name of the game.
Tarpon Springs, FL is a Greek town. I mean, GREEK! There is a store that sells educational toys in the Greek language (think Fischer Price-- My daughter has some of the exact same toys!!) and books, magazines, cd's... everything. The tchotchsky shops sell shirts that say funny things like "Blah Blah Blah, good to be Greek, yadda yadda" I am paraphrasing, naturally. I wish I could wear one. That would, however, be "poseur."
Tarpon Springs has about 20 Greek Restaurants on the main "Sponge Docks" drag. I would say, maybe, every other shop, is a Greek restaurant. I wanted pita, moussaka, doulmades, you name it... alas, I had already had lunch. The nickname for the main drag may tell you more about the other main pull for Tarpon Springs(which, by the way, my father-in-law, the one who knows everything about everything [bullshit] would insert here "Did you know Tarpon is a fish... it is not really edible... blah blah blah") ...SPONGES!! That is right. Now, I don't mean to bring to mind any lewdness associated with a particular Seinfeld episode (read- Is he Sponge-worthy??), I mean the natural stuff... Sponge diving is, supposedly a very dangerous, or it was, occupation. I learned this from the "museum" housed in the back of a sponge shop housed in a corrugated metal hangar. The museum was the fun kind where they have machiee models of people that are so old that noses and fingers are optional... why mess with perfection, I suppose... one such display was my favorite and I promise you if I ever make it back there, you will get photographic proof of its awesomeness... the display was about something (who reads the narration, anyway) and the guy in it was laying on his back and his innards were strewn about as if he had been gutted. Sponges. Who knew?
There is also an aquarium. First off, it is smaller than my house, so don't pee-pee yourself over missing it. However, they did have two little shows that Bonnie adored. One was the 14-foot Burmese Python. They has a talk about the snakes, then took out "Chloe" for a petting time. Bonnie adored this. Immensely. Bonnie wanted to keep Chloe. I kept thinking of when Harry Potter asked the poor Burmese in the zoo if he missed his family and the snake nodded to the sign "Bred In Captivity"... boohoo... I am a dork, but I kept saying Burma in my mind in a British accent. Perhaps, I am part-anglophile as well... hmm... Bonnie also was able to watch an alligator feeding and pet a "baby" (5 year old) alligator. She would like to keep him too...
In Tarpon Springs, you can buy anything Greek you could ever desire. You can purchase natural Olive Oil soaps, natural sea sponges in many different sizes and shapes, real lamb skin chammois, and anything blue and white and cross-ed you desire. Most of the people on the street are also Greek so you can pretend you are, too, which would make me so happy. It is a mecca for poseurs like myself.
<3 Millie
Greeks. I love Maoussaka. I think it was invented for me. I HATE anise, but I will drink Ouzzo, just for the fact that it is a traditition. I am a middle-class American mutt who is longing for cultural tradition. So, I like Greeks. I probably would like many other cultures, if I delved deeper, but for the sake of THIS blog--- Greek is the name of the game.
Tarpon Springs, FL is a Greek town. I mean, GREEK! There is a store that sells educational toys in the Greek language (think Fischer Price-- My daughter has some of the exact same toys!!) and books, magazines, cd's... everything. The tchotchsky shops sell shirts that say funny things like "Blah Blah Blah, good to be Greek, yadda yadda" I am paraphrasing, naturally. I wish I could wear one. That would, however, be "poseur."
Tarpon Springs has about 20 Greek Restaurants on the main "Sponge Docks" drag. I would say, maybe, every other shop, is a Greek restaurant. I wanted pita, moussaka, doulmades, you name it... alas, I had already had lunch. The nickname for the main drag may tell you more about the other main pull for Tarpon Springs(which, by the way, my father-in-law, the one who knows everything about everything [bullshit] would insert here "Did you know Tarpon is a fish... it is not really edible... blah blah blah") ...SPONGES!! That is right. Now, I don't mean to bring to mind any lewdness associated with a particular Seinfeld episode (read- Is he Sponge-worthy??), I mean the natural stuff... Sponge diving is, supposedly a very dangerous, or it was, occupation. I learned this from the "museum" housed in the back of a sponge shop housed in a corrugated metal hangar. The museum was the fun kind where they have machiee models of people that are so old that noses and fingers are optional... why mess with perfection, I suppose... one such display was my favorite and I promise you if I ever make it back there, you will get photographic proof of its awesomeness... the display was about something (who reads the narration, anyway) and the guy in it was laying on his back and his innards were strewn about as if he had been gutted. Sponges. Who knew?
There is also an aquarium. First off, it is smaller than my house, so don't pee-pee yourself over missing it. However, they did have two little shows that Bonnie adored. One was the 14-foot Burmese Python. They has a talk about the snakes, then took out "Chloe" for a petting time. Bonnie adored this. Immensely. Bonnie wanted to keep Chloe. I kept thinking of when Harry Potter asked the poor Burmese in the zoo if he missed his family and the snake nodded to the sign "Bred In Captivity"... boohoo... I am a dork, but I kept saying Burma in my mind in a British accent. Perhaps, I am part-anglophile as well... hmm... Bonnie also was able to watch an alligator feeding and pet a "baby" (5 year old) alligator. She would like to keep him too...
In Tarpon Springs, you can buy anything Greek you could ever desire. You can purchase natural Olive Oil soaps, natural sea sponges in many different sizes and shapes, real lamb skin chammois, and anything blue and white and cross-ed you desire. Most of the people on the street are also Greek so you can pretend you are, too, which would make me so happy. It is a mecca for poseurs like myself.
<3 Millie
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
At least let me be drunk while I'm dirty!
Hey there! I am typing this with the grodiest hands possible. I promise you, they are sick. I am covered in paint. I spent the morning at The Home Depot {insert happy dance} picking up supplies for the house and paint for Bonnie's furniture. A few years ago, I bought her an ADORABLE bed frame at my niece's school rummage sale. It had a matching dresser, but one of the teachers accidentally sold it, not realizing they should have kept the set together. In fact, the crazy broad who bought it made a super fuss about it and would NOT let them renig on the sale... which is fine-- her right-- but how do you want a dresser that is TOMATO, LEMON Chiffon, and KEY LIME colored unless you are having it in a set. Just seems like an odd choice for a grown woman to furnish her house with (not to mention it was a kids' dresser-- so, small)... Ever since then, I have been meaning to buy her furniture to paint to match her bed. FINALLY, I got around to it!! I painted an entire dresser Tomato and did the knobs in yellow and green. I did THAT last week. So, I FINALLY made it BACK to HD today and got the rest of the supplies to finish the set! It is all painted. So is my porch for that matter. I dropped an entire bucket of MinWax in BRIGHT green when I was cleaning up. It was a MESS! MinWax is great, because before it dries, it can be wiped off with water... but that also means it DILUTES! I was spraying off the porch for a good 20 minutes and, let me tell you... our porch STILL looks festive for St. Patrick's Day....
I ALSO bought some caulk (it's not as funny when you type it, as when you say it aloud... go on... say it-- I know you wanna...), some tub stripping, and some of those little triangular plastic things that keep you from turning your bathroom floor into a swamp... I don't know what they are called... ANYWAY. I have only lived in two places other than my folks house. Neither place I have lived was well taken care of by the previous occupants. The caulk around the toilets at this house were deplorable... I mean- icky! Not white anymore. Gross gross. So, I stripped them down and laid new caulk. I also took off the old stripping on our tub because it was falling off and also nasty... which is stupid because I am a renter... but I can't just stand grossness and I am a DIY kinda gal! Finally, I put the triangles on the tub so the water won't damage the strip again! I am so smart! ;-)
I have been so productive today, but do you know the funniest part of this? I can't take a shower for six hours after putting in the new stuff... so... I have been crawling all over the bathroom floors, painting a desk and chair, hosing down an Irish patio, and seriously sweating in the Florida sunshine and I can't clean up! Go figure...
I now have a few hours to get my house back in order before Matt and his Dad return from their trip to the Keys. Bonnie is sleeping, so I can't vacuum... the dishes are drying, so I can't put them away yet... looks like it is time for my 10-minute abs followed by a nice Shiraz....
<3 Millie
I ALSO bought some caulk (it's not as funny when you type it, as when you say it aloud... go on... say it-- I know you wanna...), some tub stripping, and some of those little triangular plastic things that keep you from turning your bathroom floor into a swamp... I don't know what they are called... ANYWAY. I have only lived in two places other than my folks house. Neither place I have lived was well taken care of by the previous occupants. The caulk around the toilets at this house were deplorable... I mean- icky! Not white anymore. Gross gross. So, I stripped them down and laid new caulk. I also took off the old stripping on our tub because it was falling off and also nasty... which is stupid because I am a renter... but I can't just stand grossness and I am a DIY kinda gal! Finally, I put the triangles on the tub so the water won't damage the strip again! I am so smart! ;-)
I have been so productive today, but do you know the funniest part of this? I can't take a shower for six hours after putting in the new stuff... so... I have been crawling all over the bathroom floors, painting a desk and chair, hosing down an Irish patio, and seriously sweating in the Florida sunshine and I can't clean up! Go figure...
I now have a few hours to get my house back in order before Matt and his Dad return from their trip to the Keys. Bonnie is sleeping, so I can't vacuum... the dishes are drying, so I can't put them away yet... looks like it is time for my 10-minute abs followed by a nice Shiraz....
<3 Millie
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
ReSale for Sale?
So! I haven't written in a few days. I feel as though I have already failed you and I haven't even begun!! Oh Well!
This week. This week. My mom came to visit us on Wednesday. It was nice to see her. Bonnie didn't know we were going to get her at the airport, so it was a surprise. Although she had stated that she hoped her surprise was going to be a bunny... she seemed thoroughly appreciative that it was, instead, her Nanny.
On Saturday, my father-in-law came to visit. I can't even comment on this.
What can you say about somebody who goes out of their way to always be in charge of every single situation and conversation... it is draining. You drink, is what you do. You drink, say "fuck it" and find humor in their absurdness. It really is all you can do! I enjoy this process. I find it very liberating to be able to sit down and listen to someone b.s. the entire night and not actually give a crap because I am tipsy. I used to deal with this sober. Sure. Why would I, though? It is not like anything I say is ever going to be used constructively. If anything, it will be used as ammo against me in another context. Tit-for-tat. Not worth it.
Since about last week or so, I have gotten a little bit addicted to resale shopping. This used to totally gross me out and give me the heebies... and some of it does still-- I won't be buying much second-hand clothes, for example... but I really need to furnish a few key areas of my house... This area we live in is overrun by consignment and thrift stores. Of course, there is also our local flea market. It is an immense and really daunting place. This joint houses over 20,000 people per weekend day (so, what, 40k a weekend!! eek!) ... Suffice it to say, I have been bargain shopping like mad lately. Let's see, last week I got Bonnie some very gently used Van's for 50 cents.(washed em in the machine, mind you!!) I also got myself some brand-new "wellies" for 3 bucks! I got a vacuum cleaner for $15! I haven't bought ANY furniture! Amazing, huh? I am the queen of getting side tracked.
My mom left today. Bonnie was very sad and kept asking if she could go with her. I wish I could send her. Everything is just so expensive, anymore... plus, how will I have any money for buying other peoples' used-up crap if I send her??
Next blog, I will be telling you all about Tarpon Springs, Fl. Think Greek-overload, think sea sponges, think pythons.... it will all come together.
Millie
This week. This week. My mom came to visit us on Wednesday. It was nice to see her. Bonnie didn't know we were going to get her at the airport, so it was a surprise. Although she had stated that she hoped her surprise was going to be a bunny... she seemed thoroughly appreciative that it was, instead, her Nanny.
On Saturday, my father-in-law came to visit. I can't even comment on this.
What can you say about somebody who goes out of their way to always be in charge of every single situation and conversation... it is draining. You drink, is what you do. You drink, say "fuck it" and find humor in their absurdness. It really is all you can do! I enjoy this process. I find it very liberating to be able to sit down and listen to someone b.s. the entire night and not actually give a crap because I am tipsy. I used to deal with this sober. Sure. Why would I, though? It is not like anything I say is ever going to be used constructively. If anything, it will be used as ammo against me in another context. Tit-for-tat. Not worth it.
Since about last week or so, I have gotten a little bit addicted to resale shopping. This used to totally gross me out and give me the heebies... and some of it does still-- I won't be buying much second-hand clothes, for example... but I really need to furnish a few key areas of my house... This area we live in is overrun by consignment and thrift stores. Of course, there is also our local flea market. It is an immense and really daunting place. This joint houses over 20,000 people per weekend day (so, what, 40k a weekend!! eek!) ... Suffice it to say, I have been bargain shopping like mad lately. Let's see, last week I got Bonnie some very gently used Van's for 50 cents.(washed em in the machine, mind you!!) I also got myself some brand-new "wellies" for 3 bucks! I got a vacuum cleaner for $15! I haven't bought ANY furniture! Amazing, huh? I am the queen of getting side tracked.
My mom left today. Bonnie was very sad and kept asking if she could go with her. I wish I could send her. Everything is just so expensive, anymore... plus, how will I have any money for buying other peoples' used-up crap if I send her??
Next blog, I will be telling you all about Tarpon Springs, Fl. Think Greek-overload, think sea sponges, think pythons.... it will all come together.
Millie
Monday, February 22, 2010
Friday, February 19, 2010
Day 1
Okay. This is the first time I have ever had a blog. I know, I know. You are thinking to yourself, "Where has this girl been the past decade!?" Well, honestly, I have never thought I had anything worth reading to blog about. Yet, I am not sure I do now, either.... We will get to that later. Basically, I want to start out by telling you a little bit about myself. It can be tough to read other people's thoughts and opinions when you don't know where they are coming from. Also, I should point out the obvious... which is that text (as opposed to audible discussions) can sometimes lead to problems. This is because we lose the wonderful gift of inflection. I love inflection. Perhaps I love it so much because it is so vital to sarcasm. I love that, too.
So. Me.
I was born in 1982 in Phoenix, Arizona. My parents are married. To each other. I can't impress on you enough how important their marriage has been in my life. I knew I wanted to be a wife and stay one ever since I was a small girl. (More on that later)
I grew up in a Christian home. I am still living in a Christian home. Maybe it is not the same as the way my parents operated, but I do try to do my best. I think it is the only thing we can ever promise.
At 16, I graduated high school as a Junior. I wanted to dance. I joined a ballet company and there I stayed for 5 years. Those were some great years. I also fell down a steep slope during those years. I took to partying, staying out all night, and making relations with unsavory characters. It is a sad truth. It is also part of my story. I can't leave it out.
When I was 22, I got drunk at a punk show in another attempt to make people like me. I crashed my car that night into a tree. I had hit the low. There it was. LOW. I had no car, I had just lost my contract with the ballet company- so I was working at a bar- and I had a DUI on my record. I quit my ballet teaching job because it was too far from home.
My parents didn't take to kindly to my mistakes. They loved me, though. There was not much they could do to help me out of the situation if they wanted me to learn anything from my mistakes. So- I did most of it alone. I remember my day in jail. I was BLESSED. I was intoxicated enough to get an extreme DUI, but the court offered me a deal that I had lost so much sleep over. One day in jail. It was horrible. One day and I know I don't ever want to go back.
I worked at that bar for about 3 years, I think. I met a guy and I thought I was in love and I almost threw away my life and my family for somebody who had the potential to hurt me very badly. I can't imagine what horrible mistake it would have been if I had stayed. I am glad that things got so bad that I was forced to take myself out of the situation. I was blinded. Everybody who ever met him thought I was insane for being with him and they all told me to get out. Funny, huh? They were right.
A few months had passed when I met Matt. (or re-met-- we went to JR High and HS together) I loved him. Maybe more in my head than in my heart at the time. I needed someone. I was broken. He wasn't perfect. I cried more nights over him than he probably deserved... or was worth. However, something kept me with him.
After only about 5 months of dating, we found out my daughter, Bonnie, was coming to join the family... he had a choice. Marry me or leave. Luckily, he took the road many guys don't. We went through Pre-marital counseling at our church and were married 2 months before Bonnie was born. I was a big balloon belly and I was scared and unsure of this whole marriage, but somehow I get choked up thinking about that day.
I can only think one one more emotionally uplifting day. That, is, of course, the day Bonnie was born. She immediately became a kind of glue for our family. It was instantaneous. We were a family and-- like my parents, I wanted to keep it that way.
Well, since then, a LOT of hard things have come. Cars totalled, jobs changed, houses bought, me losing 30 lbs, me getting back into dancing, jobs lost, jobs gained.. and the most insane one-- moving 2100 miles away from home. My family. My life. My dance company.
So, now it is just Bonnie, Matt, and myself. In Florida. We are on a new adventure. One that is bittersweet. I want to share my feelings with you. Mind my tears at times. I promise some laughs, too... only problem-- watch out for that lack of inflection.
<3 Millie
So. Me.
I was born in 1982 in Phoenix, Arizona. My parents are married. To each other. I can't impress on you enough how important their marriage has been in my life. I knew I wanted to be a wife and stay one ever since I was a small girl. (More on that later)
I grew up in a Christian home. I am still living in a Christian home. Maybe it is not the same as the way my parents operated, but I do try to do my best. I think it is the only thing we can ever promise.
At 16, I graduated high school as a Junior. I wanted to dance. I joined a ballet company and there I stayed for 5 years. Those were some great years. I also fell down a steep slope during those years. I took to partying, staying out all night, and making relations with unsavory characters. It is a sad truth. It is also part of my story. I can't leave it out.
When I was 22, I got drunk at a punk show in another attempt to make people like me. I crashed my car that night into a tree. I had hit the low. There it was. LOW. I had no car, I had just lost my contract with the ballet company- so I was working at a bar- and I had a DUI on my record. I quit my ballet teaching job because it was too far from home.
My parents didn't take to kindly to my mistakes. They loved me, though. There was not much they could do to help me out of the situation if they wanted me to learn anything from my mistakes. So- I did most of it alone. I remember my day in jail. I was BLESSED. I was intoxicated enough to get an extreme DUI, but the court offered me a deal that I had lost so much sleep over. One day in jail. It was horrible. One day and I know I don't ever want to go back.
I worked at that bar for about 3 years, I think. I met a guy and I thought I was in love and I almost threw away my life and my family for somebody who had the potential to hurt me very badly. I can't imagine what horrible mistake it would have been if I had stayed. I am glad that things got so bad that I was forced to take myself out of the situation. I was blinded. Everybody who ever met him thought I was insane for being with him and they all told me to get out. Funny, huh? They were right.
A few months had passed when I met Matt. (or re-met-- we went to JR High and HS together) I loved him. Maybe more in my head than in my heart at the time. I needed someone. I was broken. He wasn't perfect. I cried more nights over him than he probably deserved... or was worth. However, something kept me with him.
After only about 5 months of dating, we found out my daughter, Bonnie, was coming to join the family... he had a choice. Marry me or leave. Luckily, he took the road many guys don't. We went through Pre-marital counseling at our church and were married 2 months before Bonnie was born. I was a big balloon belly and I was scared and unsure of this whole marriage, but somehow I get choked up thinking about that day.
I can only think one one more emotionally uplifting day. That, is, of course, the day Bonnie was born. She immediately became a kind of glue for our family. It was instantaneous. We were a family and-- like my parents, I wanted to keep it that way.
Well, since then, a LOT of hard things have come. Cars totalled, jobs changed, houses bought, me losing 30 lbs, me getting back into dancing, jobs lost, jobs gained.. and the most insane one-- moving 2100 miles away from home. My family. My life. My dance company.
So, now it is just Bonnie, Matt, and myself. In Florida. We are on a new adventure. One that is bittersweet. I want to share my feelings with you. Mind my tears at times. I promise some laughs, too... only problem-- watch out for that lack of inflection.
<3 Millie
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